Sarah wants a dog and Susie thinks it’s because Sarah prefers chaos. New York City is trying to curb their rat problem by giving them birth control, but we have some logistical questions. A little boy who is obsessed with octopuses (octopi?) convinced his parents to let him adopt one, but it turned out their little spineless adoptee was with child, well children, 50 of them, and now they have a real aquatic problem on their hands. Martin Short has a new career in politics, and we are very excited about it, but he also has a new, very famous girlfriend, and this is the Hollywood It Couple we’ve been waiting for. A fashion house created pants that makes it easier for women to take matter into their own hands, if you know what we mean, and Susie is mad as a hornet about it. Her prudish side is in full force along with her Larry David-esque frustrations toward the man who did full downward dog yoga at her airport gate. Plus, we hear why Chechnya banned ballads…
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